I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
