why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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