apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
