Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
