This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
