The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
