I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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