I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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