Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize