Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
