I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
