So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
