sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
