Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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