I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
