You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sober January is a disaster.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your penis caused this!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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