Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
