We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
