cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
