i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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