I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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