if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
