He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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