Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
