Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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