he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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