Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
