I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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