I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
