In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
soo... how was my night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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