Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
