I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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