It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
