Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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