What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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