May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
