I think my vagina is haunted
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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