Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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