sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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