I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
