2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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