i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
