I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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