A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
