Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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