you have to choose: penises or morals?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
