My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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