im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
