I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
