even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
