Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
