college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
