My first STD was from a foam party
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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