I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
